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I haven't dreamed about Colorado or Apple in months. Just now, it was both, together all mixed up. The genius bar in the middle of the store like a Joann's cutting table, but otherwise all Apple-y. My co-workers were there, recognizable and talking. On my lunch break I had to go visit someone I'd known during school -- now she had two pre-teen daughters living in her house.

The dream had the distinct feeling of returning to somewhere left behind long ago. This wasn't a normal workday -- I was coming back for a one-time fill-in of some kind. And I wasn't normally in Colorado either -- somehow I was just visiting.

Lately, I've been thinking about all the lives that I've had. It's felt for a while now like people of my generation reincarnate over and over during their normal lifespan. I don't know anyone who has a career, something they've done for decades. I know very few people who are using what they went to college for.

In my life I've been a religious studies graduate student, I've cut fabric, I've worked in an animal hospital, I've run help desks, I've fixed computers, I've programmed, I've cut bagels, I've given telephone surveys. Some are similar seeming on the outside, but culturally they couldn't be more different.

The life we had in Colorado seems like a dream now -- except Pat and I both remember it together. It was a part of our lives that no one else here shared, except for some visits from family. It was completely different from here and now.

Likewise pre-Colorado was a different life. All that Rutgers jazz, just doesn't seem real anymore.

I feel like I'm walking around with the weight of all these other people inside me, the people I've been. I feel heavy. The dream last night put me two lives back at the same time.
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Ten years is a very long time. And ten years ago today, Pat told me he loved me for the first time.

We were babies back then, both only 19 years old. We really grew up together, into the people we are now. Only a month later the world completely changed and we lived through it together. We moved across the country together and then back again. We've had more weddings than I can count, because every day he asks me to marry him again. One third of our lives spent together, those particular crazy years where people figure out how to be people and live.

And I can't imagine life without him. He's my other half, without whom I would not truly be whole.

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Emergency rescue phone support for malware removal...check
Webpage construction...check
Devious technologically advanced homework-related plot...check
Avoiding watching My Little Ponies...check

Been a busy evening.
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Last night the window was open the whole time I slept. This is how I know things are right in the world.

The air smells like water. It's heavy and thick and holds me up.

Yesterday was 78 degrees.

We can do this world. Keep it going.
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The snow outside is making a disturbing clunk clunk noise. Oh wait, that's not snow, that's ice. Lots of ice. Raining from the sky.

And just this minute we discovered that all our water is gone. Filled the kettle 10 minutes ago, went to wash my hands now, no water.

This is shaping up to be an interesting night. I bet no one will come out to fix our water in this weather. Bet you a dollar.

Top that off with all the sickies in my house, who should prolly be drinking fluids regularly. We pretty much rely on water for that. Boo.

Edit: Ok, not just us, other people in the neighborhood are without water too. So maybe it'll get fixed faster than last time.
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* My tattoo itches. Argle.

* Have a new job. Starts monday. Very nervous.

* Organizing lots of Solstice/Yule/Christmas stuff.

Busy busy busy.

Now must go to store for soup ingredients. Tonight is creamy potato soup.
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Today I was listening to an interview about a new movie coming out -- don't even remember what it was, because I was distracted by the fact that the director used to own/run MoviePhone before he sold it.

That got me thinking about how, when I was little, there were two ways to know what movies were playing when: you could read it in the paper or you could call the movie theaters showtime hotline. We did that a lot, because we saw a lot of movies.

Now with all this internet business, where I can see what's playing on my computer or my phone or whatever -- but I see way fewer movies because I have little to no cash.

Its just a weird big change of life, and it struck me in the car, way more strongly than the interview itself.
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Its 30 degrees outside and 55 degrees inside and i am super cold. I'm typing this under 5 blankets and two cats. Theres a third cat perched on the dresser, this gives off a small amount of heat too.

I hate winter. Must acquire space heater.

Mondays are soup days. I made thyme-mushroom soup tonight, served with cheese and crackers. Next week i might make broth from scratch.

Tomorrow is a red beans and rice experiment. This weekend i might try to make one of those no-kneed breads, recipe is for olive breads, sounds awesome. Pat will be away so i don't have to feel bad about gluten food.

I'm mostly warm under the covers, just my fingers are really cold. And my head. Maybe i'll go get my hat and wear it to bed.

I'm trying to learn to make cheap good food, food with staples, food that can be stretched and reused. I'm also trying this semi-vegan diet, where you avoid animal foods before dinner, and then eat as you like in the evening. Point is to emphasize veg and fruit and whole grains durinv the day without making yourself insane.

Cooking healthy and cheap and staple-y with the added layers of no meat, no soy, no gluten is a puzzle to be worked at.

I'm typing this on my phone in the tiny mobile lj window. Just typing w/o reading mostly. Ignore caps and punc mishaps, laugh at humerous spelling mistakes.

Posted via

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1. Jesus is a reverse zombie. Eat my body! Drink my blood! (Yes, that's from Sin Fest, but still! I never thought these thoughts before!)

2. My food-making awesomeness continues. I think mondays are officially soup days. Tonight was butternut squash soup with cheesy toast triangles. I got the recipe from my sister kt, but I changed it a bit from sweet (took out the apple cider) to savory/spicy (added cayenne). Tasty.

3. I made the cheesy toast w/ gluten free bread from my bread machine. The rest of the loaf I cubed up for drying. Soon it will be experimental gf stuffing for that holiday.

4. I ate a chocolate covered pumpkin peep. I feel dirty. I made others eat it as well.
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My parents have an automatic soap dispenser in their downstairs powder room -- you hold your hand out underneath it and it gives you soap.

Their soap dispenser is oversensitive and overreactive. When I walk in the room it'll go off, once, twice, three times, like it's happy to see me and its only way of showing affection is to drool out gobs of lysol soap. As I leave the room, I hear it go off once again, as if it's crying out "no don't leave me" but the only tool it has for crying is, again, gobs of lysol soap.

Now I feel bad for the automatic soap dispenser.
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I heard on friday that rain was expected over the weekend -- maybe enough rain to cause some flooding in nyc. There was a light drizzle during saturday afternoon. As the afternoon wore on, the wind picked up, higher and higher.

Read more... )
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More positives:

* I had a really bad week, between work and money, and then some stuff happened with my birthday plans, related to work and money. I had planned to make brunch for my family because I like planning and making more elaborate meals and I didn't really want to go to a restaurant like normal. There was a big rough patch in there, where it all was falling apart, and my family came together to really save the day. Particularly Pat. He was amazing.

* So brunch did happen and the food was awesome and delicious. It was simpler than I had originally planned - instead of elaborate dishes that required ingredients, almost everything came from stuff we already had in the house. And it was tasty, which is really the important point.

* Got to watch some awesome bad movies after brunch. Went to see Legion in theaters. Wow, the crazy. As I posted elsewhere, Angels and guns are as bad as werewolves and vampires with guns. Then we came home and watched Prophecy, which is an awesome movie all around, followed by Constantine, which is a bad, bad movies with some awesome bits.

* I got some awesome presents. My sisters got me a cookie press, which I was actually really wanting over the holidays. So neat. My parents bought me this crazy, but awesome, three pot crock pot. That's literally what it is -- three crock pots, lined up in a rack each with their own temp control. So now I can have a pot of gluten and tofu, pat can have a pot of meat and tofu, and tif can have a pot of meat and gluten. Its a win for everyone.

* I also got a box of hair dye as a present. Hoo-ray my hair is black again. Really, what I need is a haircut, but I'll settle for shiny black locks for the moment.

* Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes, it was really nice to hear from you all. Some people just came out of the woodwork, I haven't heard from them in so long.


* On an unrelated side-note: Are you having a con, meeting, event, or party in the future? Do you need someone to do promotion work? Pat has been doing amazing work for Wicked Faire promotions and he could be doing it for you too! Send him an email!

1,2,3 Go!

Jan. 20th, 2010 09:01 am
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Ok, Happy Post, Go!

* I have a job and it pays enough that we don't starve, freeze, melt, explode, or disintegrate.

* Everyone in my family is healthier than not.

* I'm learning to cook using whatever is already in my house, without buying any additional ingredients. This may not seem all that great, but! I am not a very good cook to begin with, so I generally follow recipes. Lots of recipes call for ingredients that I don't necessarily have - but I'm learning how to just put stuff together and eat it.

* The cats are all darlings. Happy, healthy, silly, and constantly all over me for attention.

* We signed another year-long lease. I really like living in this house and in this town, so that's good. Also it's awesome to know that you don't have to hunt for a new apt, pack up all your shit, move your shit, and then unpack it all -- anytime in the near future.

(Speaking of which: I know that there are people I know who are moving. Please drop me a line if you need help. I will try, work schedule permitting, to help in some way.)

* The rent did not go up. I was really dreading some increase in the rent, but our landlord didn't bring it up at all. Hoo-ray.
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(Apologies to [ profile] elmo_iscariot for stealing his title line, I couldn't resist.)

The Democrats are idiots. Went and got my hopes up that they might actually *do* something, rather than just fighting each other and wasting time.


Wanted to type out some words in a happier mood than my last post. It's been a bit tricky. Things are tough lately. Money is tight, work is stressful and frustrating, social life is non-existant.

Thank you to everyone who replied to my post, I appreciated the responses. A big part of my sadness at that time was that I have very little social contact outside of work -- and social contact at work is strange.

Thank you also to my sisters who lent me a space heater. Being warm at home is easier now and it freaks the cats out in awesomely comical ways.

Hmm...this post isn't really working out. I wanted to post a general life update from a happier or at least more balanced perspective, but whenever I type out specifics it just seems like whining. I think I'll stop now.


Oct. 17th, 2009 09:42 am
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I'm hurting a bit.

My cold made me clumsier than usual, and I slammed my naked foot into a chair leg yesterday, right before work. Part of toe is black with bruises now, but doesn't seem to be broken. This is the same foot/leg that I smashed into a a hard sharp plastic container last week when I tripped over something. That left bruises over the whole wide area of my knee and a weird knob of something that seems to have diminished over time.

So now my leg is kinda frightening with bruises. And my right knee, toe, and hip all ache when I walk too much.

Added onto that the lack of voice and the cough that makes other people give me a scared-rabbit-look and I am one walking nightmare of a person.

And yet still strangely cheerful, barring some stupidity at that place where I spend the vast majority of my time and energy.
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NO VOICE! Ok, well, a little tiny squeaky bit -- but it really really hurts to use it.

And again I'm strangely cheerful. I'd prolly be humming if it too didn't hurt so much (I just tried it, bad experiment).

Have a lap kitty and a very close sleeping kitty right now. Pretty much there are always two kitties with me whenever I'm home. They rotate. Pretty-close-sleeping-kitty is vaguely annoyed and wants to knock standing-in-my-lap kitty out of my lap. This is the normal way of things. Too many lap kitties and not enough laps.

See! See! I'm in some horrendous good mood here. I need to be sick more often.
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Dreamed that my throat was on fire, literal flames and such coming out of my voice box. Dreamed that it hurt a lot, a lot lot. Hurt so much that it woke me up. That's when I started yelling, cause it hurt that much awake too.

Voice came out as a croak and squeak mixture. Throat felt all swollen and strange, prolly made stranger by the cough medicine I took earlier. Pat got me some pain meds and somehow back to sleep happened.

'Bout six there was some noise from another alarm. Woke me up. Then the coughing started. Couldn't sleep anymore.

So I'm sitting here in the pre-dawn light, with a small orange cat fast asleep on my lap. And I'm pretty amused about the whole thing.

Sometimes being sick makes me cheerful. I'm a pretty strange human being.
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I'm re-reading Dune right now. The paperback has two covers coming off. There's a note that lists an address on Grape St in far away California inside the front cover. Frank Herbert's bushy beard stares off the back.

The day the flesh shapes and the flesh the day shapes.

Last night the moon was full or almost full, but high and tiny in the sky. We had almost all the lights turned off, and the cold house was full of puddles of silver.

...the pilgrim seeks not to conquer the worlds he visits but to surrender to them; and unlike a missionary, he seeks not to preach but, in the silence of his supplication, to listen.

Now I'm sniffly. I have a probably-a-placebo vitamin C drink powder and a bin of freeze-dried strawberries. Both are vivid and red.

That's all.
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There's usually one day at the tail-end of every summer when it becomes really apparent to my that summer is ending.

The day before that it's as if summer will go on forever, with heat and long days and thunderstorms.

And then it happens, and suddenly summer's days are numbered.

Yesterday this happened: I was driving to work and I realized that I was slightly chilly. No A/C, just regular temp. Then I looked over during my drive and saw a flock of geese and I realized they were getting to fly south, if they weren't already on their way.

And now, this morning, the light seems a little dimmer, the air a little cooler, and I can't help but think about root vegetables and pumpkin carving parties.

And I wonder where the time went.
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Up for work far too early. I feel like I should be scratching a line into the wall for everyday, because I've just started a run of 9 days straight.

It bothers me when people are running A/C, and yet I'm sitting in my non-A/C'ed house shivering because it's pretty cool outside. What a waste.

Need to make lunch and get dressed; whole 'nother day to get through.


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