sleepymaggie: (gabriel)
Today:

* I learned about book anatomy and repair. Watched a video where a very old woman carefully tears old books apart and then magically puts them back together. And it was magic -- fast and beautiful. Books are amazing things.

* My organizing information prof thinks that my design project looks like fun. This is a good thing: since I'm doing a museum Tarot collection, I was worried there might be some kind of disapproval or backlash. Hurray. I just finished putting together ten examples from my collection; beautiful, beautiful cards. E&N let me borrow seven of their rare decks to photograph. Terribly wonderful people they are, lettng me take precious things out of their house.

* I think I need to stop caffeine intake. Drinking soda makes me feel crazy and sick, like I'm going to have a heart attack. Not as bad with just sugar sodas, although the sugar usually makes me ill too. Juice and water and alcohol from now on!

* I spent the weekend alternating between being very sad and being very angry. A lot of it had to do with the wedding, but other parts seemed to come from nowhere. Confusing and struggle-causing.

* Weekends are exhausting. They often require as much activity as the rest of the week combined. Every week feels like two weeks are being squished together a smaller space.

* I hate the College Ave computer labs. Very lame.
sleepymaggie: (Default)
Yesterday was annoying and nice by turns. I spent the whole day on College Ave, sans car, from 9am to 9pm. The majority of the day was spent walking in circles, because I couldn't decide what to do with myself. I had a bad sore throat and maybe a fever -- which made it hard to think. A lot of the walking happened because I needed to print things out for class and every lab I went to had some sort of problem. Most of these problems were linked to the fact that CCF bought new printers for all the CACC labs, but didn't buy enough TONER for them. Brilliant.

My classes went pretty well -- now I've seen them all. I'm impressed with how thoughtful the professors are -- everyone of them told us, I don't want you risking your health and safety to come to class. If you're sick, stay home. If the roads are icy, stay home. Class is *not* worth your health and safety.

I've NEVER heard a professor say that before. I would have been shocked if a prof even thought it. My Class, not as important as your health and/or safety? Never! My words of wisdom are astoundingly important, and if you have to suffer through pneumonia so be it. YOUR GRADE OR YOUR LIFE -- YOU CHOOSE!

!!

I've also never heard professors so interested in our jobs, careers, and lives after the program. It's refreshing to know that they are concerned about us getting jobs someday -- and not just concerned with our understanding of truth and knowledge and blah blah blah.

Wow, I've changed since undergrad. Not that I'm anymore career minded now -- I'm still mostly interested in living my life one day at a time, but still. It's all very interesting to hear.

What was less good was that Old Rutgers Feeling. While I'm in the SCILS building I feel sort of safe, like they want me to be there and are interested in my well-being. Walking up and down College Ave and into the other buildings, I have a constant sense that I am quite unwelcome. I went and visited the Graduate Lounge of Alexander library yesterday. I was asked many, many times to see ID and my grad status was sortof questioned. When I asked about getting a desk in there (they have desks with locking compartments called "Carols" you can request) the librarian laughed at me. She laughed. I was the highlight of her day. I, not even a PhD student, had the nerve to ask for a desk, when the waiting list stretched off into infinity. Really, it was amazingly funny for her. I should take my act on the road.

Anyway. I feel rather sick right now -- in the physically ill sort of way. My throat hurts, my head is spinning, and I may have a fever. Definitely a bunch of flu-like symptoms.

In spite of this, I need to get my ass in gear on this wedding crap (much as it makes me cringe), do some more schoolwork (which isn't bad at all), and possibly bring my poor starving sister some lunch.

Hurray for adulthood!
sleepymaggie: (shoot)
Ok. Ha, ha. It was really funny to begin with, but now it's not funny anymore. Yes, I know I'm a giant weirdo who moved across the country and got a master's in religious studies. No, I don't know what I'm doing with it. Yes, I'm crazy. Now please leave me alone about it.

I'm tired of answering that damn question over and over -- "what are you going to do with that?" Particularly when said question is accompanied by rolled eyes or a smirk or a sarcastic tone. Or having that little joke made at my expense.

You know what? I have no clue what I'm "going to do with it." In fact, I plan on "doing" nothing with it, just to confuse people. I got the degree for myself. I wanted to have an experience and learn some stuff.

I can understand being curious about why someone decided to do something. I can understand being curious about how they went about it or what the end result was. But I cannot understand the constant nagging attention that my education choices get.

Now please, stop asking and joking and making me miserable about it.

Well well

May. 11th, 2006 10:59 am
sleepymaggie: (Default)
Its only 11am and already the day has been "interesting."

I went to get my immunization form filled out at Wardenburg (the health center). The nurse who filled it out managed to convince me to get my tetnus booster -- so by 9am I'd gotten a shot I wasn't expecting.

I walked across school to get to the wmst graduation. What I expected (since I hadn't seen any emails or letters with instructions about the event) was a quick informal ceremony with some refreshments. So when I got to the quad and saw the line of women in caps and gowns, I knew I was mistaken. Apparently I missed the information about the very formal and long graduation ceremony. Since I was wearing street clothes (which for me equates to jeans and t-shirt) I elected to just sit in the audience while the ceremony went on.

When they got to the Graduate Certificate section, they announced and talked about each of the students who received it. One was a fine arts student, another was philosophy. Each had a nice intro from a prof who knew them well. Then they called my name. I expected one particular prof, who I knew well, to do the talking for me. Instead, some woman who I'd never met read part of the essay that I wrote to get into the program. So...I introduced myself...basically...through some other woman's voice. It was really, really embarresing because I did *not* write that piece to be read aloud as an self-introduction. I would never have wanted that read out loud like that.

So as soon as the ceremony ended, and I could leave the small auditorium without being noticed, I bolted right out of there.

This all put a crimp in my day.
sleepymaggie: (gabriel)
After much struggle, I finally finished my last paper. So now my degree is well and truly over with and I can begin to be alive again.

17 Days

May. 9th, 2006 07:55 am
sleepymaggie: (gabriel)
Happy Birthday Buddha! (or so Londonist tells me)

Yesterday, I got my I grade changed to something real.

Yesterday, I spoke with "my advisor" in Women's Studies for the first time and we worked out a deal to let me graduate with the certificate.

Yesterday, I wrote some pages onto my last paper -- but not nearly enough.

Today, I will finish that final paper by 3pm and email it to Pat for him to print for me.

Today, I will also clean my house up, throw lots of stuff away, and get some packing done.

Tomorrow, I will go to my last shift at work.

Tomorrow, I will also clean and clean and pack.

The Day After Tomorrow (besides being a crappy movie) will be the day my family comes to visit.

Huzzah!
sleepymaggie: (Default)
So much is going on right now -- I need to remember to stop and breathe.

I finished up one of my two big papers. Just need to finish the other one and I'll be all set academically to finish the semester. Then I need to get this "I" grade thing fixed and finish up my "fight" with the women's studies department.

After that, graduation can commence.

And then it's on to moving. We've gotten a few more bites for subletting our apartment, so hopefully we'll soon have someone to move in.

Ah and one other thing -- I didn't mention this earlier because I wasn't quite sure how I felt about it: I got into SCILS. So next fall I will be in school (again) trying to get a degree that will make me employable. That means that my student loans will be delayed again until I finish -- which is really, really helpful.

Anyway, more later, have to get ready for the religious studies honor society thing that's happening tonight.
sleepymaggie: (Default)
Well, 22 days doesn't sound like much at all, does it?

I've been steadily working on my two big papers and putting out fires all over the place. I'm about halfway through the one that's due tomorrow, but I should be able to finish it with enough effort today. The other one still frightens me a bit, but I have until next Tuesday, so I'm sure I'll figure something out.

It's because of these papers (and other stuff) that I haven't yet gotten around to finishing up the interviews I promised. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten you -- it'll just be a little bit before I get them all done. Coming up with questions is a lot harder than it looks (or at least interesting ones).

The biggest problem that we have right now is finding a subletter. When I first posted a notice on Craigslist, we had seven interested people emailing and calling. At least three of them came and looked at the place. I was so hopefuly that out of all of them, someone would want it. But as of right now all the emails have dried up and none of the people who looked have gotten back to us. We can still move if we don't find a subletter, but then we're responsible for the rent till August. That's a lot of money to pay to not live somewhere.
sleepymaggie: (Default)
Colorado just doesn't seem to work for me. For every really good thing, there's always a bad thing that's much worse. I'm not trying to sound depressed or just moaning -- there really does seem to be this weird pattern.

So as it stands now, I will probably not be graduating next thursday. It's not because I forgot to hand in some paperwork or failed a test or turned in a poor paper. It's really not anything I did at all.

So last semester I took a class with a professor who seemed to really dislike me. At the end of the semester there was a snafu with my paper and she ended up giving me an incomplete ('I') grade. Eventually the paper situation was solved and I expected to see a grade on my transcript. When a month went by I emailed her. Several weeks later I emailed her again.

I sent a total of five emails to her, all with no response. Finally, last week she replied to my pleas and stated that she absolutely, positively would put the change grade form in that week. Yeah, right.

So I emailed her on monday asking for confirmation of the grade change. I wake up this morning to a lovely email from her saying she's in D.C. and she didn't do the grade change -- but she'll absolutely do it when she gets back.

Only one problem -- today is the last day for grade changes. If you have any "I"s on your transcript today you don't graduate this semester. I should still be able to graduate in the summer, but the whole situation is upsetting beyond belief. I did everything I was supposed to do to graduate. All she had to do was fill out 3 lines on a tiny slip of paper and give it to her department's secretary. Because of this, my whole graduation thing is turned upside down.

And the worst part is I don't know if there's anyone I can complain to or ask for an extension from. Everything is really on the prof's here, it's up to them to make things work. I need to call the grad school and ask.

Edit: So I just talked to the Grad School. They were very understanding and offered me a one-week extension on the grade change. Since the prof is away from school till friday, that means I have to camp outside her door on monday to get the grade change in my hands and then take it to the Grad School office. Which is doable, just another thing on the pile.
sleepymaggie: (Default)
Well, it's May 1st and none of those damn little eggs seem to have hatched yet.

I've been avoiding typing any entries because a) my schoolwork and b) my update page seems to be buggy. Every 30 seconds or so, the textbox gets slightly bigger on the right side until it's gone off the page. It's really strange and annoying. I know it isn't just my computer, because the mac's at school have the problem as well -- maybe it's some new thing with firefox? Any ideas? All I know is it is annoying as hell and makes me actively avoid posting.

All I have left to do for this semester is write two fifteen page papers for friday. They are not coming along so well. So far, I've written about a page-and-a-half on one, nothing on the other. Need more motivation.

My wipe board calendar that I set up for the days remaining until we move has many x's -- but not yet enough. I have a strong desire for it to be friday afternoon. School would be over and all that would be left would be visiting with my family and then packing and packing and packing.

See, now my text window is well off my screen, so when I type a sentence it keeps going and going and going.

And Happy Beltane everyone! I'm happy that it didn't snow here like last year (I think we got a foot or two). Instead, just a bit of rain last night and sunshine this morning. I hope everyone had a lovely time at FSA Beltane and their various parties, rituals, and faires. Yay, Beltane. My mind links strange things together. Whenever I think of the Beltane time of year, I also think of Cooper Dining Hall's monopoly night, where they have henna tattooing, tarot readers, cotton candy, candy apples, hair braiding, and an assortment of better food. It also seemed related to GoG's May Faire, which is about good food and games and having fun more than anything else, I think.
sleepymaggie: (aydiosmio)
I have to finish a weird three-page paper thing for 1pm. Trouble is (and this is sort of the trouble with my two big papers) I feel real empty. I lack words to type into my computer. There's just nothing left to say. Or something.

All I want to do is pack and clean and throw stuff away.

more 24

Apr. 21st, 2006 07:30 am
sleepymaggie: (Default)
So 24 is shaping up to be perfect for my paper (although, in a way, that makes me sad). Its the opposite end of the spectrum from the movie "The Siege," where torture is soundly condemned. I'm not quite sure yet how to fit everything together, but I think I'll have something for it soon.

The 24 season is interesting to me for a number of reasons. First, its hugely popular -- lots of Americans watch (and apparently) enjoy it. Second, I picked this season because it aired well into the Iraq war and the revelation of torture there -- so that may be a reason that torture is so prevelant in the show.

The whole thing is amazing to me, at least television-wise. During one specific episode, Keifer Sutherland gives a speech about how they have to do whatever it takes. This is almost the exact opposite of a speech that Denzel Washington gives in The Siege, about how the American ideals of liberty and freedom are more important.

Now I just need to draw some conclusions on all this stuff and actually write the paper.
sleepymaggie: (Default)
...Because she passed her final exam!

That was probably the hardest hour of my life. One prof was very tough on my methodological stance (rejection of objectivity, high level of reflexivity, and questioning of the role of the researcher). When they sent me from the room so they deliberate, I was really worried about not passing.

But in the end I prevailed! Huzzah!

So now I just have to write two 15-pagers and some smaller papers and I'm all set to graduate.
sleepymaggie: (Default)
I'm surprisingly cheerful. Today's the day I go in front of my committee and defend all the stuff I wrote on Monday. I suppose I'm cheerful because after today, this whole mess is over (minus a few papers and grade fixes).

I find it funny how this whole thing is working. As I understand it, generally you invite people to your defense. It's a big happy event. My defense is going to be *somewhere* at noon. No one will attend but me and my committee. Either way I don't really care. I'm just happy to be done!

So here's hoping that I pass.
sleepymaggie: (Default)
First I want to thank everyone for being so supportive -- its been incredibly helpful to me.

So I took my test yesterday -- and it wasn't really doomsday. Doomsday would have been a lot worse than this was.

In a way, I should have seen these questions coming -- they were things my advisor asks all the time, in every class. I guess my paranoia convinced me that the questions for a final exam master's thing should be much harder than that.

So I wrote my responses and I think they were good. More importantly, they are defendable -- I can sit in front of my committee and tell them straight to their faces what I meant and back it up with real evidence. Always a lovely feeling.

Today I have my two classes to get through. I also need to go by the rental place and talk to them about the subletting situation. Somewhere in there I need to find time to call my mom.

But everything is much happier and shinier today.
sleepymaggie: (Default)
Today I'm taking the written portion of my exam. Well, first I go to work and then I take the exam. I'm in a weird state of worried/unworried.

Part of me is frantic, because I have no idea what's on this test. I hate suprise questions. What if it's something really crazy or something that I'm not at all prepared for? I've crammed so much information into my head right now that I'm confusing it all. There's just so much to know and most of it will probably end up being irrelevant.

The other part of me is pretty relaxed. I'm going to take the test, write what I can write and be done with it. Not a very motivating way to look at it, but at least it's calming.
sleepymaggie: (Default)
So, after much haggling, I finally have a time for my oral exam. Yesterday, I spent a bunch of time finishing up the edits on my three test papers and then I turned them in. Even though they aren't as good as I'd like them to be, it's a relief not to have to think about them anymore.

So. On monday I will take the written portion of the exam -- two hours to write two answers for questions I won't gt ahead of time. At least I get to type my answers rather than writing them out.

On wednesday I will stand before the firing squad for an hour, and answer questions on my three papers and my two answers and anything else under the sun they feel like asking.

And immediately after this, I have to start writing my two class papers like a madwoman. If I can manage to pass the test and turn in two relatively decent papers, I should graduate.

I just need to keep reminding myself that this is all doable. Very very doable.
sleepymaggie: (Default)
I'm writing my question-thing for my War&Peace class. Basically I have to write some question related to the reading and then respond to it over one page.

This damn thing is like pulling teeth. I've started over three times now. Finally settled on one particular angle to go with but its just not coming together. I think the problem is that we usually have to read these in class, and I really don't want to read what I've been writing.

The most annoying part: these don't count towards our grade. We just have to do them or fear the wrath of the prof.

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