Maggie Never Sleeps

So I managed to get two of my commitee members to commit to times for my final exam -- these times were very specifically within the hours that my advisor is available. It took me forever to get in to speak with them between work and class and everything else.

So I sent an email to my advisor telling her that *joy* I've finally got a time setup. This was important because I've only got about two weeks till the deadline to graduate and I need to have her ok on the paperwork.

She emailed me back to say that she couldn't meet at the time I scheduled (which is definitely within the times she gave me). Instead she wants me to have my exam on a completely different day.

Which means that I have to go back to my other commitee members (who it was hard to pin down the first time, and will be murder the second) and figure out another time.

I really want to cry right now but I'm in a school computer lab and I'd rather not make a scene.

I should have known she'd do something like this -- she is constantly fucking me over or forgetting about me or just plain being stupid. I should have known she'd ruin all my carefully laid plans.

It really makes me want to just give up now. Or climb a clocktower. Or something.

Things are progressing. The member of my committee who was squirming has been replaced by someone who's more enthusiastic. The date for my final exam is almost certain (probably the 21st of April). So now I just need to buck up and actually finish the work for it. And not go crazy in the process -- also important.

I was really worried about getting this question-response-thing done for class today -- particularly since the book I had to read in order to write it is entirely online, effectively chaining me to my laptop. On a mere whim, I decided to check the syllabus where I'd written down which two dates I had to write said question-thing and discovered that it's next week and the week after that I actually have to do this.

Oh.

What an amazing, gigantic relief.

I'm really longing for summer. Really, I'm longing for a Jersey summer. It probably will seem strange to you, but I really want it to be overly warm and humid, with a thunderstorm threatening. Or maybe just with sunshine. I want to see fireflies and hear bugs everywhere. I want it to be humid -- something that always seemed so oppressive and now seems necessary. I need water in the air.

Anyways, I'm going to goof off for a little while.

Its snowing again. Its snowed everyday for the past week or so. Not really a lot on the ground, because it tends to melt inbetween each snow fall, but pretty good amounts of sleet and ice around, and lots of snow on my car every morning.

Yesterday I read V For Vendetta cover to cover. I generally like Alan Moore's work and this one was pretty amazing. It was philosophical like From Hell, but not as wordy-with-no-action as From Hell. It had similar pessimism to Watchmen, but ended with hope. All around probably my favorite of his stuff so far. I'm glad I read it before the movie comes out next week. I don't really know what to expect from it -- the last Alan Moore book that got turned into a film (From Hell) went through pretty *significant* plot and character changes...like the fat married policeman in the comic who becomes the opium smoking, psychic Johnny Dep in the movie. Yeah. I guess we'll see.

I have a pile of school work to do and really I should go to the library right now. I can't access the databases I need from home and I need to print a bunch of articles. But, gods, its snowing a lot out there. And I really don't want to go out again. Couldn't sleep last night, and then I woke up this morning with just two minutes to get myself to work. So I'm all out of sorts and I really don't want to go out again. I think I'll get done what I can from here.

Besides, procrastination is your friend. Or something.

Today must be a work day. It absolutely must.

(Nothing down here but my list of stuff to do)
( Read more... )

I went to school and worked out the problem. After talking to a bunch of people, its turns out that the grad school made WMST change their prog, which they did this semester -- apparently without informing anyone. The combined efforts of the director and Lynn are making my classes work, so there should still be a graduation in the near future.

Glad that's fixed. We'll see what else life can throw at me.

I seem to be at loose ends right now. I've gotten myself out of the house and I don't really want to go back there. I spend quite a bit of time just in the house by myself. But I'm not sure what else to do. I'm at the library right now, tooling around on the internet, thinking about bath bombs.

Has anyone ever made these before? I have compiled a number of good looking recipes, but I worry about the results. Apparently, they're vaguely tricky to make, because moisture at the wrong time will set the fizzing in motion. I think just experimenting will be my best bet, but I'd like to go into my first attempt armed with as much knowledge as possible.

This reminds me: I've been nosing around a very nifty herbal shop in downtown. They have a large selection of organic locally grown dried herbs, lots of oils, and loads of equip and bases (waxes, clays, salts, soaps, bottles, misters, and a big variety of containers). The woman who owns the store is really nice and helpful. Pat and I were looking at essential oil prices and wondering about the jasmine -- turns out she's willing to sell it by the drop, so that everyone can have some jasmine, even those with little money. I think that's spectacular -- that her philosophy includes the fact that everyone needs access to jasmine.

But getting back to my original question: what to do now? Almost anything I might do is at my house, and once I get there, I'll probably stay there. I could go to the public library or downtown and walk around. I could sit on the internet right here (its sad that I'd be on a comp still, but at least its a different setting).

I guess I'll see what happens.

Last night I read an article over on websnark about what happened at Something Positive the other day. The guy writing was drunk, from celebrating his birthday (another january birthday) and because of the drunkness the guy was being blatantly honest and self-reflective.

I'm sorta drunk right now -- not really really drunk, because that leads to an inability to type -- but drunk enough to have some truthiness let loose.

I am unhappy with my schooling. I don't think I'm dumb. I think I'm totally capable of doing this graduate school thing. I also know that I disagree with a lot of my fellow grad students' opinions on practically everything. I also disagree with my prof's a lot of the time. This is disconcerting. I don't really want to disagree all the time. Sometimes I just want to discuss and work through things -- but it seems like we're beginning from such fundamentally different starting points that discussion isn't even possible. This is depressing for me.

I really want to like school. I really want to have productive and useful conversations in class. I really want someone to engage with me in discussion. I really want to say something and not have people immediately change the subject.

Yarg and blarg and blarg. I am demoralized and discouraged, and every tuesday night only makes it worse. My war and peace class isn't all that bad, but damn if feminist methodology doesn't make me want to walk into traffic.

Its snowing a lot and even laying in some places on the concrete. Yesterday it was warm enough for me to walk around with my coat unbuttoned and sometimes off. Ah Boulder.

Luckily I don't have to leave the house at all today (although poor Pat had to walk to school early this morning before the buses started). I bought all my books yesterday, got my extra readings printed or checked out of the library. No work, no class. Thursdays are going to be my reading days, with nothing planned/scheduled, since I think I have more reading this semester than any other ever. Some of it looks to be very interesting -- there's my non-thesis list and the readings for my class on War and Peace in the U.S. (very much about historical events rather than theory). My feminist methodology class looks like its going to be a repeat of last spring's feminist theory (it's even being held in the same exact room and there are many of the same people in it). Hopefully I can bite my tongue and get through. The prof is from the philosophy department and so in the first class we heard a lot about "the symbolic" feminine and blah blah blah. Its a methodology course, for gods sakes. Give me methods! Give me practicality! Give me real-world use!

Monday is my birthday. Generally I get very excited about birthdays, its like having your own private holiday or something. But this year I'm not getting into it, like normal. Maybe I'm just being silly. I think its because I'm turning 24 and that seems like such a crazy age to me. Far more adult than I feel.

School starts next tuesday and I am not at all ready for it. For as long as I can remember I've always looked forward to starting a new year or a new semester. Even last semester started out on an optimistic note. This semester I'm just not looking for to it at all. There's a lot to accomplish, both in school and out of school -- graduating, moving, classwork, workwork, wedding planning. I'm trying not to be overwhelmed, but sometimes I feel like I'm fighting against the current and not making any headway at all.

I'm still not registered for all my classes -- mainly because my advisor seems to have dropped the ball on figuring out things. I've sent her a couple of emails now and still haven't heard back. I'm also worried about my classes this semester. One is with a prof outside the department -- and I have a very bad track record so far with non-RLST profs. The other class is with a prof who's rumored to be hard on writing, which worries me.

My soc prof still hasn't updated my grade from last semester. Somehow my paper didn't get to her, even though I turned it in to the secretary of her department. I emailed her a new copy before we left to go to NJ, but my grade online is still an I. I really don't want to have to go and see her about it. I'd rather just never see her again.

Yeah I'm just not in a very good mood right now. I feel like everything is just looming on the horizon and there's nothing I can do about it.

Went to my German final this morning -- it wasn't exactly a breeze, but it wasn't very hard either. After that I managed to grade my final set of papers in record time, mostly because I think all my best students decided to do this one, and their papers aren't all that hard to grade.

Just one last thing before this semester is dead and done -- have to grade the final exams for my two classes and then come up with their final grades.

I'm really excited about almost being done. Never before has a semester been so frustrating for me, but now its over. As I said in an earlier post it wasn't all bad -- I got to learn a bunch about myself, what I want and how I want to get there.

So. A week and a half of work all day. Then Yule. Then get on a plane and head home. I'm not even going to think beyond that. Too stressful.